Metro: Last Light. The greatest story-driven FPS ever created, has a fittingly brilliant closing credits track.
It’s up there with Deadman’s Gun from Red Dead Redemption, M4 part II from Mass Effect, and Till All Are One from Transformers: Fall of Cybertron.
I just need to host this so i can post it to a forum i frequent.
Some cretin was discovered to have lied about a lunch date with Joe Perry, so my own tall tale is that i formed a superband with Derek Grant and Brody Dalle.
We’re undecided on the name. I think we should be called Valentin and the Seleznyobots, but she insists that we should be Brody and the Baby Dalles. The drummer thinks Derek and the Grant Fund Managers.
A sad day for English people everywhere.
Something truly heartbreaking happened today.
I went into town to pick up the new Tomb Raider game, when i was accosted by a Red Cross worker on the high street. I was about to do my usual thing when confronted by these people - to tell them that i already set up a standing order with their colleague on the other side of the street - but the guy had already started making his pitch.
He used a Lord of the Rings theme, which i found interesting, so i let him speak. And when you let them speak it is incredibly difficult to get away, so i ended up committing to giving £20 a month to the Red Cross.
When you do this, you are given a little pack which includes some seeds, a fridge magnet, a teabag and a booklet detailing how your money will help.
I was flicking through the booklet and came to a piece about children in South America, living in abject poverty, when i turned the page and saw this.
Best before November 2012? My heart began racing. ‘Maybe it’s the seeds? Dear god please let it be the seeds!” i thought. But it wasn’t the seeds.
So i, an Englishman, have just had to throw out some tea. Inconsolable doesn’t even begin to cover it.
Oh, and i hear the Iron Lady kicked the bucket. Uh, how sad.
I am a cross between James Bond in Goldfinger and Sun Tzu.
I went paintballing yesterday as part of my brother’s stag festivities. It was quite fun, but beforehand i was quite nervous about being shot. I reached out to an ex-military guy on another forum i frequent, and he told me something i had long suspected. That the real-life fear of being hurt is a powerful tool for the front-line soldier.
Unfortunately once you’ve been hit a few times it’s hard to be that worried, but it reminded me of a quote from Dragon Age II, where Hawke tells his party ‘i don’t know if we can win this, or if we even should, but i do know i can fight harder scared than they can angry’.
So obviously i decided it would be advantageous to subtly rile up our opponents, who happened to be a mixed-gender party of 12 celebrating someone’s birthday. This took place in Essex, so imagine they were quite chav-like.
Anyway, in the first game i eliminated two of the women (like a big man) before being shot myself and having to sit out the rest of the round. I got hit in the neck, which really, REALLY, f*cking hurt. As i was tending to my wound in the sit-out area i overheard the two women talking. ‘Yeah, some guy hit me in the arse… it was you wasn’t it?’
'Sorry. The weapon instructor did say we'd get better results aiming for the larger areas of the body as opposed to always going for head shots'.
'You cheeky gi…'
'It was a compliment. You're quite callipygian'
She didn’t know what that meant, so i told to look it up at dictionary.com when she got a moment.
Which she must have done, as after the break for lunch she approached me to say that it was quite a ‘fancy way of telling me i have a nice bum’ before adding she isn’t used to that kind of language.
The rest of her party were watching, so i made a point of slowly looking at the men before telling her that doesn’t surprise me. She laughed in agreement.
(at this point i understand that it seems like i was flirting, which might seem a little shady considering i have a girlfriend of my own, but i’d like to point out my brother’s fiancée is having strippers at her hen party’)
As you can imagine the guys didn’t appreciate that, and during the next game seemed to make a point of going after me. Which they did quite successfully when they flanked me. I looked like a Kandinsky painting, and noticed in the shower just now that i have about half a dozen red marks on my back.
However, this was an objective game. Capture the flag. In focusing so heavily on me, they didn’t give due thought to the rest of my team who managed to retrieve it and win the game.
Partially because of Messir Hawke, but mostly because of my tactical nous and ability to charm a woman.
If i had known there was a mission in Borderlands 2 that saw you collecting naughty pictures of Mad Moxxi… i wouldn’t have waited 5 months to play it.
I think that Coheed and Cambria are definitely now my favourite band.
It was my birthday today.
Some of you might remember when my dad bought me a Mercedes CLK cabriolet sport for my 19th birthday, instead of the Porsche 911 i asked for.
Well, today history repeated itself. Because instead of the G1 Jazz figurine i specifically requested he buy me, my brother got me the Jazz tie-in toy for the 2007 Michael Bay film.
So instead of a Porsche 935 Turbo, i got a bloody Pontiac.